Maha Mondays / Relationships

Maha Mondays: I Slept With My Best Friend – But I Don’t Want a Relationship

Dear Maha…

I had sex with my best friend and now i dont want to see her. I’m not ready for a relationship and that’s what she is. I have been avoiding her because i don’t know what to do. I fucked up and don’t know how to fix it.


Dear YouAreHardSuckingAsABFF,

Why are you sending this major Q in under 140 characters? I’m not Twitter. And heads up – the fix to this will likely not be about brevity.

Let me get one thing out of the way: thank you for acknowledging that you fucked up (BECAUSE YOU DID) and that you need to fix it (BECAUSE YOU DO).

BFF or not, there is only one rule which you ought to follow and it is that if you are going to be fiddling with the fun parts of another, then you need to be prepared to deal with whatever the consequences might be. Meaning, don’t engage unless you’re ready to reap what you sew. Today, that means that you need to put on your adult underwear and call her. Do not text. Texting in such scenarios is for the kindergarten-heads. Call her, tell her you wish to see her to talk about why you have been avoiding her. Whatever you do, don’t pretend that you have not been avoiding her, because unless you are in the DRC without a proper internet connection, there is absolutely no reason why you have not been contacting her other than due to the catalyst: the sexuals. If you are not 100% honest about your active avoidane of her, about which she is fully aware already, you will look like an even bigger asshole. Trust.


In case this is not clear enough, read aloud: Hey BFF. I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you. I’ve needed to think about what happened between us. When can I see you to talk about this? Did I mention – I’m sorry?

Bottom line – own your shit and then be prepared to eat shit, if she chooses to shovel it into your mouth (as is her prerogative).

The only option which you have is to in fact sit down with her and both tell her your truth and be prepared to hear her truth. She may smash you emotionally – I know that I would but not because of the sexuals, rather your behaviour after the fact. So on this, be prepared for the possibility that your post-coital behaviour may have already ended your BFFship, or if you’re lucky, you’re just about to enter an ice age from which you will, down the line, recover if your BFF-ship was pre-coital strong enough.

YouAreHardSuckingAsABFF, if you wish to call yourself someone worth their salt, then you will gladiator your ass into this arena willingly and take what comes.

In your corner (but only because you have taken one right step and that is to acknowledge that you fucked up and need to fix it),

What are your thoughts? Have you ever been in this situation? Let us know in the comments. Also, if you have a question of your own for Maha to straighten out for you, ask (completely anonymously) in the box below!


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