Amuse / Politics

Human Brain Analysis (Men vs Women) With Jack Uppal: A Breakdown

human brain analysis jack uppalJack Uppal, the Liberal candidate for Ontario’s Nepean-Carleton riding, put a super-scientific Facebook post on his wall about the differences between men and women. Some people were annoyed, clearly just not understanding, and so Uppal was forced to apologize, saying:

“I received and re-shared a Facebook posting that, if taken literally, is without question offensive to both women and men. It was certainly not my intent that the post be taken literally or to offend anyone. I apologize unreservedly.”

Now come on, this apology was clearly uncalled for. When was the last time anyone actually took a statement by a political candidate LITERALLY? Get serious, people.

Here is the text of Uppal’s “Human brain analysis” (sorry about the spelling – apparently Uppal doesn’t take spelling and grammar rules very literally either) – broken down so everyone can understand more clearly:

 

Human Brain Analysis – Man vs. Woman……!

1. MULTI-TASKING

Women – Multiple process

Womens brains designed to concentrate multiple task at a time.

Women can Watch a TV and Talk over phone and cook.

Men – Single Process

Mens brains designed to concentrate only one work at a time. Men can not watch TV and talk over the phone at the same time. They stop the TV while Talking. They can either watch TV or talk over the phone or cook.

(So far so good!! Look at us womenz – handling all these things at once! Cooking, talking AND watching TV?? A man could never possibly be able to handle such a multitude of tasks! Men can only be expected to choose one task and stick to it! This obviously can’t be taken literally, silly readers – men don’t cook! Only women belong in the kitchen. Uppal probably figured his Facebook friends would be smart enough to know that.)

2. LANGUAGE

Women can easily learn many languages. But can not find solutions to problems. Men can not easily learn languages. they can easily solve problems. That’s why in average a 3 years old girl has three times higher vocabulary than a 3 year old boy.

(Actually, this does a lot to explain the grammar in Uppal’s Facebook post. Science wins again!)

3. ANALYTICAL SKILLS

Mens brains has a lot of space for handling the analytical process. They can analyze and find the solution for and design a map of a building easily. But If a complex map is viewed by women, they can not understand a process it. Women can not understand the details of a map easily, For them it is just a dump of lines on a paper. 

(Mens brains has so many spaces! This is clearly why there are zero female architects. Can you imagine possibly being able to make sense of those dumps of lines called building plans? Too complex. Will be getting back to watching TV and cooking at the same time now.)

jack uppal facebook post

Not sure what I’m looking at – It’s all just a dump of lines to me!

 

4. CAR DRIVING

While driving a car, mans analytical spaces are used in his brain. He can drive a car fastly. If he sees an object at long distance, immediately his brain classifies the object (bus or van or car) direction and speed of the object and he drives accordingly. Where woman take a long time to recognize the object direction/speed. Mans single process mind stops the audio in the car (if any). then concentrates only on driving.

(Let’s be fair here. The REAL reason women can’t drive is because we’re always trying to use our incredible multi-tasking abilities to put on makeup while we drive, while we stare at the jumbled lines of our map. Don’t take things so literally, people.)

5. LYING

When men lie to women face to face, they get caught easily. Womans super natural brain observes facial expression 70%, body language 20% and words coming from the mouth 10%. Mens brain does not have this. Women easily lie to men face to face.
So guys, do not lie face to face.

(I mean, this one is just common sense.)

6. PROBLEMS SOLVING

If a man have a lot of problems, his brain clearly classifies the problems and puts them in individual rooms in the brain and then finds the solution one by one. You can see many guys looking at the sky for a long time. If a woman has a lot of problems, her brain can not classify the problems. she wants some one to hear that. After telling everything to a person she goes happily to bed. She does not worry about the problems being solved or not.

(FINALLY – someone has explained WHY all these men are always just staring at the sky! This is a problem I’ve been wondering about for SO LONG – but, until now – I’ve always just complained a bit to someone, but then happily slept it off and forgotten all about it. New day, new problems – right?
Clearly, this one can’t be taken literally, either )

7. WHAT THEY WANT

Men want status, success, solutions, big process, etc… But Women want relationship, friends, family, etc…

(I hate success! And big process? Yuck! I think he forgot to add a few things to the Women category though – let’s list them here:
New stove
Much pink clothes
Many shoes
Diamonds and jewelry
Big wedding
Finalized and properly enacted political solutions toward solving pay inequity
Cute purses
Girls weekend
Sugary cocktails with names like “Sapphire Gingerini” “Lemon-Tequila Sunshine Bliss” or “Orgasmic Island Magic Breeze”)

8. UNHAPPINESS

If women are unhappy with their relations, they can not concentra on their work. If men are unhappy with their work, they can not concentrate on the relations.

(Science says that this is why women can’t be President. That and periods.)

9. SPEECH

Women use indirect language in speech. But Men use direct language.

(This is because we are so much more adept at the English language. If our vocabularies were that much more advanced at age 3 – just imagine all the words we know once we hit adulthood!)

10. HANDLING EMOTION

Women talk a lot without thinking. Men act a lot without thinking.

(Like when they post ridiculous, sexist, offensive Facebook posts?)

 

 

You May Also Be Interested In:

John Tory Thinks Women Can Break the Glass Ceiling By Learning to Play Golf

Women of Opinion! Steve Paikin Wants to Save You!

 

3 thoughts on “Human Brain Analysis (Men vs Women) With Jack Uppal: A Breakdown

  1. “Mens brains has so many spaces! This is clearly why there are zero female architects. Can you imagine possibly being able to make sense of those dumps of lines called building plans? Too complex.”

    You just killed me.

  2. Pingback: Peter MacKay Spends His Summer Insulting Women | Elle Beaver

Leave a comment...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s